The Things That I Hide

I wrote this one specifically to give to Nick. As it turns out, we fought less when we expressed emotion through poems. Which sounds like a cheesey chick flick, but I'm being serious I swear. We'd been together for right at 3 years on/off (if you haven't figured THAT part out yet). And there was this girl, Brit. She went to his church (He's Latter Day Saints) and she had classes with him in school and she'd never met me before. I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a bit...angry and depressed at the same time over this because as of a couple weeks ago, they're dating again. I'll give my explanation for that at the end.

Let's start with this. Nick's parents don't want him dating until he turns 16 (this upcoming March 23rd) and they didn't know about me. He used to do alot of stupid stuff and they didn't know about it. And we got...curious as a couple. We didn't DO anything...but we talked about it. Until my dad found the notes.

My dad, as you will find, is an uptight asshole. Nick's mom...I love his mom to death. She worries about him. Mostly because of his older brother......he'd be SOOO pissed at me for saying all of this on the internet......but he's not gonna see it and neither is anyone who KNOWS me or anyone that anything on My Blog relates to, so what difference does it make? My Blog is about me. And because it's about me, it involves him too. But there's not gonna be trouble over it.

Anyway, after my dad flipped major shit, Nick's mom found the rest of them. She found the worse ones: less sexual, but not less suggestive. And more about the things HE has done. And she didn't know that I was the girl from the notes. SO she had cried and he felt like crap but he didn't want to end things with us either. At the same time, he didn't wanna hurt anyone anymore. So we broke up. He went for 2 months sticking to not having a girlfriend because he wanted to do the right thing for his parents and wait til he was 16. But Brit happened. Little Bitch. So I wrote this.





Why are things always confusing?
Is there a simpler way?
Afraid to express how I'm feeling
Cuz I'm the one who made things this way.

I can't find the words to say this
So I'll just say what I can
Everything about this hurts like hell
But I need him to be happy.

I want to be the one who's there
Whenever he needs me around
But I guess he doesn't need me
If I'm replaceable.

I'm afraid to lose him
And afraid to tell him
Cuz I don't want him to see me hurt

I wish I knew how to let him know
But it all remains trapped inside.
These are the things that I hide...