I wanted to make a journal type thing on my laptop. I was gonna just...write out my feelings about this every day...anything to keep me from burning again...but I figured that this blog holds my soul...my mind...my thoughts...my heart...maybe it can hold me together for just a little while longer...If you look at my last post on my Bored Blog that I just posted a little while ago, you'll know what I mean. But this isn't about Austin. It's about Nick.
We've been on/off for about 3 1/2 years now. During the off times, we still acted like a couple, we just weren't "official".
I've never been one for tradition. It's not how I am. We did everything out of order. But it didn't matter. Screw the world. This was us...it was ours...
I know I haven't put anything (still) on my book blog about the novel series I'm working on. I'm going to after I post this.
This is what I know: when I get married, I wanna be in my mid-twenties, I DON'T wanna marry in a church, and I DON'T want a long dress with lots of frills and poofiness. I DON'T wanna long train on it. And I'm NOT wearing red lipstick with a bun and a veil. I'm leaving my hair down. No bun. No veil. I MIGHT curl it only slightly to give it a beachy waves kinda look. I wanna get married on the beach. Around sunset. I'm gonna wear flipflops. No heals. Hell, I might go barefoot.
Not a lot of makeup. Just natural looking makeup with a smoky eye thing going on. That's my favorite. But not black. Probably either plum, golden brownish colored, or a light gray.
I'm gonna have, like, this epic buffet thing and lots of colorful drinks like cocktails and daqueries and pina coladas and I'm gonna have sodas for the kids.
I'm doing my own hair and makeup, and for the bride's maids dresses, they're gonna be like mango, peach, orange, a light yellow...they'll be warm colors, but they won't match. And they won't all be the same dress. I'll use a certain dress to fit each individual person's figure.
I won't look like friggen Repunzle either. My dress is gonna be all silky and curve-hugging and have a bunched trail that doesn't go past my feet. Like I said: flip flops.
That wasn't the point of this post...I just got completely off topic. My point is, I love Nick, and he has a girlfriend. I didn't actually expect them to still be together...it's going on 3 months...true, it doesn't top 3 years. But....if he's been with her for this long, then he's gonna TRY to make it work and they won't break up soon...and the thing is, I try to judge fairly. I don't automatically hate a girl just because Nick hates her. I DO automatically hate a girl when she's the only thing that's keeping us apart.
I started burning again over this...I haven't since last time cuz Nick was pissed and Twitch said if I did it again she'd light her arm on fire, so I don't wanna take the chance of that happening because Taylor is honestly crazy enough to do it....I don't know if she'd actually go through with it, but it really wouldn't surprise me. I don't wanna take that chance.
I saw this post on Sami's blog about the Butterfly Project.
Go here: http://www.lifeencourageslollipops.tumblr.com/
It's helped...kinda...I haven't burned since...but it doesn't mean I'm not tempted. I'm gonna see him next friday...this can only go badly...
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