Lying Like An Angel

I wrote this the same time I wrote the last one. When I read this and I'm actually feeling these things I'm like "There is no way in hell I'd say that" soo yup. Also, just a random point, I'm also texting my friend Josh (AKA Milky; he hates it when I call him that XD) and so I just realized this. I REALLY like the word "bloggin'" and I have no earthly idea why. Just saying. This was originally a song. And I've got about...10 minutes to write it before I have to go to bed. It's Thursday.




I hope you sleep well tonight
Knowing that you broke my heart.
I hope your life treats you well
Even if we are apart.

I hope holding her's enough for you
Since you lost the best thing
And I hope to God the most
That you won't miss me...

Tears may fall from my face
But you will never see.

Because by daylight
I'll find a way
To erase you completely.
But by starlight
My heart still bleeds for you.....
Every single night
I'll pray for her:
That she won't have the same fate
That I did by believing in you
Because you lie like an angel...

I doubt I'll ever understand
So please don't try to explain
The inner workings of your mind...
How you just want to play games...

So what's your story now?
You say I deserve better than you?
Ain't that the truth...
What's it gonna take to change you?

Please don't try to make this right
Because it can't be undone.
I hope she makes you happy.
At least that will make one...
I'm sorry that you feel the need
To have the upper hand
I guess that's what happens
When we can't match up our plans




Okay, I feel the need to say this. I would never try to change anything about him ever. Also, if he was with someone besides me, I wouldn't be praying for her. I'd be threatening her life. I wrote this out of boredom. At the time, it wasn't accurate. That said, yes, we've dated other people. Mine were all flops. His were friends of mine. Except some of them. As I said already, we do NOT have the perfect "relationship". And also, I hate the word "relationship". And I love the word "bloggin'".

I Can't Stay Away

So, I keep looking at these things over and over and I'm wondering if I actually TALK like that...I'm not one to share my feelings very openly. I have to trust you beyond belief if I tell you how I feel. And in my later poems, I find better ways to express it. My poems that I particularly like that I'll post later are I Did, Incomplete, Scared, and A Last Note. Those were written within the last 5 months, so they're much better than the ones I'm posting now. But as I said, I have 41 poems that I've kept up with for the last...5 or 6 years and one of those is missing. I wrote it for my friend Ivey. She's basically my sister. Just...unbiologically. She's the kinda friend that's so close, you practically share a bloodline with her. For those with a weak stomach, it's a metaphor. It's not to be taken literally. I wrote this about Nick out of pure boredom. I was like, "Hmm...I think I'll write a song" and I made a list of words that I wanted to put in it. So, you've been warned.




There's something magical
About the games you always play,
But it doesn't matter
Cuz I love you anyway...

You're the only thing I wish for
On every night star,
But it never really seems
To get me very far...

There's something beautiful
About the way you say my name
And when you look at me,
It makes me feel so safe.

But this security
Is so sickening
Because I know you're just pretend.
So why do I come back for more in the end?

So, you take my hand
There's something
Enchanting in your spell...
You know me too well...

I thought you were mine
Always and forever
But now I know
You were just putting on a show

Why are you my only desire?
Why do you always inspire me?
You're a mystery.
My only dream.
So why can I see
It so clearly?
You never were my destiny...

What is it about you?
It's irresistable...unpredictable...
I can feel you in my veins...
I can't stay away...




NO LAUGHING!! I know it's terrible. But you were warned :P Needless to say, I wrote a lot about heartbreak and shit. The more recent ones are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times better. Is that even a comprehendable number...? O.o

All The King's Horses (I COULDN'T THINK OF ANOTHER NAME AT THE TIME, OKAY?!)

Also about Nick. I was having mixed up feelings at this point. You'd have to understand mine and his relationship in order to get it. We'd been a "couple" a few times at that point. We've been on/off the last 3 years, so most of my poems are about him. Actually, 34/41 of my poems are about him and 3 that aren't make an indirect reference to him. So He'll come up alot. So, I'm pretty sure by now, mixed signals are pretty much world famous, right? Okay, so then you may be able to relate. I'm not particularly proud of this one...it worked much better as a song (I play guitar and a little piano). Note: When I change my songs to poems from songs, I take out some of what was in it as a song, so it's editted.




Looking back on yesterday
All the dreams I tried to escape
Are haunting me.

I'm lost without the love in your eyes
Whenever you pass me by
And I can't breathe.

When it's all falling apart,
I can't turn to you
For you to take me in your arms

Because it's too late
For all the king's horses
Too late, already on my own.
Can't wait for you to say I'm worth it
And pick back up where we left off.
No more tears for me to cry
Cuz I'll have you back in my arms

My memories will never fade
I'll keep wishing for yesterday
Poisoned by your tainted love
My dreams will never be enough

Guess this is how Ms Independent
Figured out that she needed you
I'm not gonna cry because you're not worth it
It may be a while but I'll have you
If I'm supposed to.




Wow...you guys have to remember that I haven't looked at these in like...a really long time. And I'm used to writing the way I do now. These kinda suck by comparison.

Heartless

So, I actually do not remember what was going on at this point...all I remember is that it was a Nick thing and a 'he had a girlfriend' thing. This was a bit longer into out relationship...if you could call it that at that point...we were both still new to it. To each other I mean. Well...yeah. And he was my first boyfriend, so I was sorta...engrossed. But in my defense, he liked that haha. As you'll see, after I let my writing be just poems, it got a lot better because I was less limited in rhyme scheme. Poems can be written in prose. This was originally a song, so it's mildly all over the place, but my poems get more and more emotional. Unless I wrote from boredom. Which you'll see.




Wasted tears
Lonely nights
So close
Yet so far away

All my life
I'll love no one
But you

Worthless pain
From this gaping hole
In my heart

I knew all along
But I'm not that strong
I fell for you
And now I'm done

Shattered heart
I've cried out all my tears
I gave you everything
But you're still not here
So much time
I could've had but lost
In your eyes
And now I'll pay the cost
Guess that's what I get
For falling for the heartless

Sick of all
The false hope
Holding on to
What's not there

Thought that I
Needed you
But I guess I knew
All along...

I want you back...
But I can't get hurt again
And you don't need me

But I won't cave
And I won't plead
For you to
Come back to me

Guess you'll have to learn
The hard way
That you gave up
On the best thing.




I think this was when him and Amanda (Mandi, a chick friend of mine) were breaking up and he came running straight to me. Lemme explain Mandi. She didn't know me til after they dated. Now we're a lot closer than we were then and she's with a good guy friend of mine, Austin (AKA Stag) and they're gonna be together forever. The end.

Don't Tell Me

Okay, this was the first poem I wrote about Nick. And I know I always start my blogs out with "okay". Habit. But this is much better than the last two. I swear. At this point, he had a girlfriend and I was upset because I was beginning to fall for him...really hard...and I could feel it and I couldn't stop it, but he would always say "I love you" and I had no clue at that point in what way he meant it. This also was originally a song and so it's got semi-trippy stanzas. Note: my blog will not ONLY be my poems. I'm just getting them all put out first.





Is it someone's fault
That I'm in so deep?
Who am I to blame
Because I can't breathe?

How many phrases can
I find to say
Those three small words
That don't seem to change

Anything?
Anything at all?

Don't tell me
You love me until you mean it
Don't mess with my head
Or my heart
Or my dreams
Don't tell me
Your beautiful lies
I don't want a surprise
Do you see?
I love you
So don't tell me
That you love me
Til you do

Wierd how love works out.
Someone still gets hurt.
What's that all about?
Please don't say a word

Don't bring back our yesterday

Does it amuse
You to see me hurting?
Do you enjoy
To see me in pain?
Does it make you smile
To see me so broken?

Do you really not
See what's going on?
Are you so clueless?
So very wrong?

Unaware...




Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a bit with it being "better" than the last couple. But at least there was some sort of real emotion and it was ABOUT something instead of being because I was bored.

Crushed by Crushes (corny title, I know. I was like...11. Gimme some credit)

Okay, so I've written about 100 or so poems and songs in the last 4 or 5 years, and I then changed all of my poems into songs because Nick got me into writing poems...you'll know who he is later. This was the first one I wrote and I wrote it with my cousin, Alex, when I was 11 or 12 and I know the title is corny, but gimme some credit. So...I'm trying to post in order. Okay, when I wrote this, I'd liked this guy for awhile (who now annoys the crap outta me). And he liked this other girl. And I'm an emotional person, so I took it to heart. Which you should never do, cuz they aren't worth it. There's only one guy who IS worth it. That's Nick. **insert awwwww here** followed by **insert haha fuck you here** So, no teasing XP It was origanally a song which is why some stanzas are longer than others and there's a weird syllable thing going on. OH!! And it turned out, the other chick didn't want him anyways. So, yeah...I also changed it later on to relate more to Nick instead of the guy it was originally written about because Nick was the first ever to see my poems. Like no one else has seen them and he found the ones about HIM so...awkward...




It's times like this when I
Just want to sit and cry
Because I realize
The tears form behind my eyes.

And as I try to escape,
I dry the tears from my face.
What does he see in her?
He doesn't realize his own worth

So I'll be here when he falls,
I'm here through it all.
She just doesn't care
And this I swear
Why can't he see
It is me?
I'll always be there

He tells all about her
She's such a tease
Playing games with his heart

Why can't she stop?
The clock is running out of time
She better hold him tight
And give him all her love
Before he moves on with his life....

So I'll wait for you
I'll be here for you
At night I'll pray for you
And I'm telling the truth

Open up your eyes
And you'll realize
What's right in front of you
True love awaits for you




Okay, to explain the last two stanzas, Nick is and was my first love. He's the only person I've ever truly been in love with and I'd trust him before I'd trust my own family. But we definately do NOT have the perfect relationship. Mainly because the perfect relationship does not exist. You have to work for it.

Pick Up Lines and Put Downs

So, I got really really really bored today and just started writing just cuz I felt like it. Umm....IDK I am SO sick of people using pickup lines. I mean not even the GOOD ones like "I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?" **inside joke with my friend Jacob.** They use the lame, overused ones that you automatically know the ending to just from the first word. At the same time, I'm equally sick of people who've been friends with you forever turning into selfish bitches who try to steal the love of your whole life (I know I'm 15. Get over it.) So I turned a bunch of pickup lines into insults in a poem. It's kinda...amateur compared to my others which are a lot deeper than this because those were written in my more depressed moods. But this one made my critical bitch sister laugh, so I'm posting it.



Hey baby,
Are you okay?
I could've sworn I saw you fall...
Straight from heaven...
Cuz your face is really messed up.
But don't worry about that.
On a scale of one to ten, you're an eleven.
And the scale begs for mercy asking for one person at a time.
If I could rearrange the alphabet,
I'd put U and I together...
On a desert island so I could burn U alive and use your remains as bait to catch my fish.
But I'd tap that...
With the hood of my car.
You thought I meant I'd have sex with you?
No thanks, I'll stay in tonight
Because I'd rather not get AIDS.
Thanks for the offer though,
You sexy gorilla.
Oh...you're a person...my bad




So, I guess you would have to know me and who I am and stuff before any of that would be seen as non-offensive. It wasn't intended as offensive. It just ended up that way. Yes, I have lots of built up anger. Don't judge me.